101 Ways to Annoy Voldemort Into Killing You
by MyTeenageDream
Summary: The title says it all! 101 things that would annoy the *beep* out of the one and only VOLDEMORT!
1. 1 to 10

101 Ways to Annoy Voldemort Into Killing You

So ya…I'm making another one of these lists…For those who read 101 Ways to Torture Simon Cowell, you'll know that I put 10 ways in a chapter and I accept suggestions. If you didn't read it, you've just been told this, and I do not see the need to repeat=) Also, I MIGHT put a story part at the end…See the other story to find out what I mean…

* * *

1. Call him gay.

2. Poke him.

3. Tell him a knock knock joke

4. Tell him the knock knock joke "Knock knock" "Who's there?" "You know" "You know who?" "Yes it's me AVADA KEDAVRA!" as he will be annoyed by the fact that you are an imposter.

5. Put him under the Imperius Curse and make him dress up as a fairy princess.

6. Tell him that Edward Cullen is the real He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

7. Give him your list of the worst spells, which includes Crucio (TORTURE!), Avada Kedavra (DEATH!), Die Dammit (Self invented=P), Sectumsempra (BLOOD!), and Rictusempra (TICKLE TORTURE!).

8. Proceed to try these of MoldyWart.

9. Set him up on a blind date with Bellatrix Lestrange.

10. Plan a wedding for him and Bellatrix

* * *

Yes, I understand if you think this one sucks so far…Hopefully I'll come up with some better ones…Also, I do take suggestions so…


	2. 11 to 20

YAY! More ways to torture MoldyWart!

* * *

11- Show him the Potter Puppet Pals.

12- Make fun of his "nose".

13- After #12, proceed to ask, "What nose?"

14- Ask him when he and Bellatrix are planning on "settling down".

15- After #14, ask him if it's because he's gay.

16- Force him to listen to Miley Cyrus

17- Force him to listen to Justin Bieber.

18-Give him a limbo stick

19- Give him a stripper pole.

20- On #19, leave a note that says "From Bellatrix".


	3. 21 to 30

Yayzzz! I'm actually getting these chapters out! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and read…so ya…on with the torture=D

* * *

21- Call him MoldyWart.

22- Give him tap shoes as a gift

23- Force him to watch an insane group of teenage girls sing Renaldo Lapuz.

24- Have the said teenagers do an encore of Pants on the Ground.

25- Get him drunk.

26- During #25, make him sing karaoke

27- Ask if he could love if he would choose Bellatrix or Wormtail.

28- Make sure Bellatrix and Wormtail are within hearing distance.

29- Tell Lucius Malfoy that you heard Voldemort call him sexy.

30- Tell Narcissa Malfoy that Voldemort wants her to cut her hair or else.


	4. 31 to 40

There are a lot of American Idol references in this chapter (And in the last chapter, but I forgot about it and I'm too lazy to fix it=P)…If you are not familiar with the people mentioned, I would recommend looking them up.

* * *

31- Tell him that his mother was so ugly, she gave birth to him.

32- Make him take a Death Eater picture like the Order of the Phoenix did.

33- During #32, give him bunny ears.

34- Dye the Death Eater robes hot pink and yellow.

35- Explain #34 by saying "OH! You meant DIE not DYE! Sorryzzz…"

36- Start singing Lady GaGa's song Telephone whenever he tries to say something.

37- Sing #36 VERY badly.

38- Shoot him with the iHandGun app for the iTouch.

39- Make him listen to Adam Lambert scream.

40- Have him judge an Adam Lambert vs. Siobhan Magnus screaming contest.


	5. 41 to 60

I'm SO sorry! This really shouldn't have taken this long...I've had it sitting around for a long time=/ Anyway, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I have all 101 ways completed and almost ready to be posted. The bad new is that I'll be away this week and I'm not sure if I will have internet access. If I do, you can expect updates throughout the week. Also, I'm canceling the story at the end of this fic where Voldemort is subjected to all 101 torture methods. Instead, I will be posting another 101 ways list, the name of which I will not tell you right now. Since you've waited so long, I will give you 20 ways in this chapter.

Sorry for the long author's note. It's been awhile...I'm done keeping you waiting...

* * *

41- Read him muggle fairytales  
42- Lock him in Azkatraz  
43- Scream in his ear that you want chocolate covered strawberries  
44- Ask him where babies come from  
45- Kick him. Really hard.  
46- After #44, proceed to make sexual innuendoes  
47- Give him that innocent look a little kid would use on their parents  
48- Go to Hogwarts, learn Transfiguration, and turn him into a guitar. Then give him to Gene Simmons as a present  
49- Pack Bellatrix in a box and give her to him as a birthday gift  
50- Buy him lingerie

And the extra ten =D

51- Make him watch AVPM  
52- Make him watch AVPS  
53- When he ignores you, sing Stutter, complete with the Joe Walker Umbridge voice  
54- Offer him RedVines  
55- Sneak up behind him and say "What the Devil is going on here?"  
56- Ask him if he's related to Charlie Sheen.  
57- After #56, ask him if illegal habits run in the family.  
58- Use him as a piñata at a child's birthday party.  
59- Tell he's beautiful because he was "born this way"  
60- Proceed to sing the aforementioned song while imitating both the original singer and an American Idol reject


	6. 61 to 70

Fast update lol =P I want this done by the end of the week.

* * *

61- Send him on an all expense paid trip to Disney World.  
62- While he is on vacation, force him on Small World.  
63- Repeat #62 multiple times  
64- Ask him if he wants to get his nose pierced with you.  
65- Buy him Ke$ha's newest album  
66- Show him fanfiction.  
67- Show him slash involving him  
68- Make up theories about how he lost his nose  
69- (in honor of #69) Turn everything he says into a "That's what she said" joke  
70- Tell him instead of the killing curse, he should try killing people with kindness 


	7. 71 to 80

I might actually complete a goal for once =D Oh, and I really do recommend #80 for people who have a sense of humor and/or can laugh at themselves.

* * *

71- Tell him how much he sucks  
72- Show him a picture of him when he was at Hogwarts  
73- After #72, look from the picture to him and ask, "What happened?"  
74- Suggest he dye his hair pink.  
75- Proceed to say, "Oh yeah...You'd have to grow some first..."  
76- Scream the Elder Swear in his face  
77- Have a reenactment of Mysterious Ticking Noise live with all involved.  
78- After #77, escort Snape, Dumbledore, Ron, Hermione, and Harry out his presence, unharmed.  
79- Do #77/78 with those involved under the Imperius Curse if you must  
80- Show him LordVoldemort_7 on Twitter 


	8. 81 to 90

I might actually complete a goal for once =D Oh, and I really do recommend #80 for people who have a sense of humor and/or can laugh at themselves.

* * *

81- Write and perform a song in his honor  
82- Make #81 about how ugly his face is  
83- Tell Severus Snape that Voldemort has graphic sexual fantasies about him  
84- For #83, imply that Voldemort wishes to turn his fantasies into reality  
85- #83/84 show his slashfic to prove it.  
86- Tell him that if he kills you, you'll come back as a ghost and continue to torture him  
87- Play charades with him and the rest of the Death Eaters  
88- Forcibly give him a nose job  
89- Ask him to go swimming with you  
90- Suggest he change the Dark Mark to the homemade Dark Mark from A Very Potter Musical


	9. 91 to 100

I think I'll post the last one today too. Wow...I'm actually getting shit done =P

* * *

91- Tell Draco that Voldemort wants to defenstrate him.  
92- If he doesn't know what defenstrate means, imply it is "very, very despicable and disgusting"  
93- Randomly skip like a small girl when we walk in the room  
94- Reenact "Luke, I am your father" at random times  
95- Tell him that as hard as he may try, he'll never be as badass as Neville  
96- When you walk in the room while he's talking to his snake, quickly leave, suggesting that he and Nagini share some quality time together  
97- Slap him with a fish  
98- Shoot him with a "real AK", an AK47.  
99- Pretend to be an alarm that goes off every two minutes 24/7  
100- Tell Bellatrix that Voldemort needs CPR.


	10. 101

Wow...so I'm actually done with this =P I'll try to keep this short since it's already longer than the story. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and put this story on your favorites or on alert. I really appreciate your support.

* * *

101- Show him 101 Ways to Annoy Voldemort Into Killing You

* * *

Okay, so I know what your thinking. "Wow! That was really creative, interesting and inspiring!" and my response is, "No, it wasn't..."

Now for the information you've been waiting for (probably not, but let's pretend here)

My next 101 Ways list will be

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...sorry...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

Okay, I think that was enough suspense...

My 101 Ways list will be...

101 Ways to Get Expelled From Hogwarts

Look for it tomorrow. I really hope you enjoy that too. If you're a Sweeney Todd fan (And you should be=P) I have an idea for a list, but I'm not sure when that'll actually happen...


End file.
